Ways to Trap Various Endangered Animals

The obvious way would be with a very powerful gun. However suppose you actually wanted to read this post and you didn't have a gun, now you'll have to think creatively. Tonight we shall examine various species and discuss (meaning you'll read my talking/typing/whatever you feel like calling it) as I come up with creative and unusual ways to trap various endangered animals. By the way, I did not say that they would be alive, my methods can never ensure such an eventuality so you'll just have have a sense of humor and not have a suspension of disbelief.

The first species we will look at is the panda bear. Everyone likes pandas, even pandas like pandas. We like sex, unfortunately pandas don't which is why they're endangered. Honestly, I think that when a species has hit a point where we're trying to sneak aphrodisiacs into their food that the species just needs to be let go. It's like all of those erectile dysfunction commercials should have pandas instead of people. But back to the trapping. One method would the obvious snare trap or a pit trap, however I have two methods, the first one involves using other species of bears in heat which would deter the panda away from them into my waiting tank (use whichever usage of the word tank comes to mind first. I don't care how violent your mind is). The other method involves baiting the panda with some bamboo shoots which are coated in chloroform. Any sane person can figure out what the outcome of this would be.

The next species is the pygmy hippopotamus. I do not want one for Christmas because being a pygmy, they're too small to be seen which is why they are incredibly difficult to trap. However after borrowing some equipment from the Ghostbusters (namely a sandwich), you'll be ready to trap the pygmy hippopotamus. The secret to trapping the pygmy hippo lies in draining whatever lake it is in by making the water just randomly disappear. Now the water has to go somewhere if it's going to randomly disappear because water can't just randomly disappear. So the water goes into the hippo making it very large and bloated so it will just fall over and be incapable of moving while you just tickle it into submission with your epic tickling powers.

And since I'm too lazy to continue this now, I'll post more some other time.